ah bu at my hse today...
can tell she realie trying hard to make me luff n all...
trying so hard to cheer me up...
i luv my ah bu...
so nice...
-haiz-
i'm glad i managed to appear happy today...
at least i dun think anyone noe frm my face...
oh wells...
ah bu n i took fotos...
got a folder for it at imagestation...



i dunno if i can trust u#....
can u# be trusted?
pls prove me wrong....
dun break e already broken me...
pls...













i can do it...
keep my tears till when...
i'm alone...
in my room...
in e darkness...
my 301day fairytale...

i dunno wat to say...
got nth to say...
i juz wanna cry...

went to watch fireworks wif ah bu n ying yday...
god...
it was so nice...
realie touching sight...
it was realie nice...
i juz love fireworks...
seeing e lil things gg up high in e air...
den exploding into lil colourful stars...
simply beautiful....
how much i wished tt e feeling cld las 4eva...
tt time cld stop at tt moment 4eva...
unforgetable sight...









i juz love it...wanna go thru it agn...cant wait for e nxt round...
wish u were there....

i'm so disappointed in myself...
like wat e shit am i doing?
feel like giving up...
letting go...
i simply cant go on like dis...
i'm juz not cut out to do math stuff...
tried to study....
thot i understand liao...
but i still dunno how to do!!!
like wth....
how stupid can i get.....
supposingly easy paper i oso cannot do....
how to make it for nxt week's test...
and end of yr's Os????
so stupid...
argh....
i dowan to do le la...
realie feel helpless and hopeless....
dis kinda disappointment is hard to bare....
dis feeling sucks....
but i juz cant do it!!!...
so irritating....
why did i take up dis sub aniwae???....
make myself so difficult....
i wanna drop....
so much....
i dowan to carry on liao...
stress is too much....
expectations too high.....
-haiz-
somebody help me......













**//broke down n cried....sadness filled my day....i wasn't e person i was before....disappointment...//**

went dylan hse today...
supposedly to study...
haha...
in e end slpt mostly...
dreamt abt popo...
wierdly,
i dreamt tt she got taken away by bad ppl...
so saddening...
i truely miss her alot alot....
guess nobody will understand how i feel...
me n popo share a veri special bond...
a veri special relationship....
i miss her...
i wanna see her agn...

aniwae...
aft all e slping n toking n stuffs....
den went dwn for dinner...
den went up awhile more...
den dad came to fetch me home liao...
was rather late le ba...
9+ i think...
yubbs...

today was DI course...
picked komathi up at SRJC there...
den we went to HQ...
everybody assembled there...
den we went to met e other ppl for e course liao...
started at abt 9am....
had ice-breakers....
den got sesson one...
it was ok...
rather fun i wld say...
got to noe many more ppl...
den got discussion...
den grp work...
den sharing...
sound boring...
but was realie fun...
cos got many funny stuff happened...
ya...
den got to noe oi lam...
looks like a bung to me...
but i think she's real funny...
she's 20 dis yr...
yup...
aft sum theory...
den got lunch...
aft lunch was practical...
we had to do commanding....
quite fun la...
different experience...
aft everything...
the officers treated us to pizza...
so we stayed behind to hv pizza...
during e pizza session had alot of fun...
joked abt...
played abt...
den we played zong zi mi ma...
den i sway sway tiok....
and e best thing is tt i din even get a chance to say a no...
is komathi say de...
[sigh]
aft everything...
we left liao...



came back frm DI course...
mom made me go jiaqi ahyi there...
so tired liao...
sumore not feeling well...
still make me go there...
idiotic...
okay...nvm...
i go...went there...
juz as i sat down toking to jiaqi ahyi...
she comes along n makes me go home...
like wat the hell...
make me go all e way there juz to say hi and come home...
like WTH...
GB HQ is like so much nearer to my hse...
make me go there den come back...
nv even let me sit down tok to jiaqi ahyi abit...
make me so damn pissed...go all e way there for wat???
nth...
or shld i say make me go there juz so tt she wun hv to come home herself?
not feeling well still make me go here go there....
she is so damn irritating...
she's making me feel worse...
sick man...
wL...
bad day...

TODAY is the day...
i'm e orderly for today...
was so damn nervous can...
siao man...
guess everything went on smoothly ba...
got ppl say i did a gd job...
hee...*grinz*
oh wells...
i still think i need improvement tho...
shall prac harder nxt time...
tmr is another scary thing...
DI course...
gosh...
i'm nervous
onli ah bu gave me sum of her courage...
onli ah bu gave me sum encouragement...
still got joce....
she praised me for today...
hee...
so encouraged by e 2 of dem...
now i noe wat ppl mean by u'll noe hu's ur true frenz when u met wif uncertainties...
haha...



today mrs ong during badgework veri funny...
she told us a story....

"one day...
e body parts were deciding hu was e leader....
den e brain said,
"i'm on e top....and i control everything...
i should be e leader..."
den e eyes said,
"without me...nobody can see...
i should be e leader..."
den e legs said,
"without me...one cannot move or walk...
i should be e leader..."
then...came the anus...
he sorta stinked abit....
and everyone shunned him...
den...
he conidently said.
"i should be e leader...
i am very impt in clearing waste..."
all e other parts luffed at him...
he was so unhappy...
tt he went on strike for 3 weeks...
aft 3 whole weeks...
there was an infection tt caused a fever...
dis fever den fried e brain....
as e infection worsened....
the eyes got infected...
and eventually went blind...
then...
the limbs started to turn yellow....
due to the toxins left in e body...
den...
the legs got all wobbly n weak...
only e anus was still alrite...
he had won...
he had proven tt he cld be a leader...

the moral of e story..... : any asshole can be a leader..







haha...funny story...
esp e way mrs ong said it...
so hilarious....
hahaha...

wat i'm doing now?-----toking on e fone...

wat i'm thinking?-------abt tmr's gB meeting...

today was ok i guess...
had prayer meeting...
i 4got to count e no of ppl present...
so malu...
or rather, so funny...
aniwae, guess today went on smoothly...
everything was ok...
aft tt had leader's drill...
at leader's drill had a lil practice for tmr's roll-call...
trying to bring my voice lower and louder...
-haiz-
so scared...
how am i supposed to command 150 ppl tmr???
gods....
die la...i'm so nervous...
how to do it???
die...

feeling upset...
wanna cry...
i want sum1 to lend me a shoulder to lean on....
i need a hug...
real bad...
will sum1 come n gimme a hug...
juz one will do...
i'm gona break down n cry...





*//i'm closed in a cold dark room by myself...all by myself...

got 3 roses frm dylan...
and 2 stuffed puppy doggies...
and a barney...
and a eyore milk bottle...
and vodka absolute...

valentines was nice i guess...
altho i din need so many gifts...
i still got it...
and i liked it...

Happy Valentine's!!!!...........

lesson to learn...
dun expect too much or u'll feel damn disappointed wif e reality...

now at hm...
dad's frenz came ovr...
dey playing cards...
so noisy...
got 2 lil kids too...
so notty...
so irritating...

juz cam back frm skol....

yday was in a bad mood...
sorry...
got realie pissed...
den you* sorta added oil to e fire...
i'm sorry....
din mean to show u attitude...

guess wat...
today bad mood again...
gods...
so sian nowadays...
mood veri down today...
so many things affecting me...
i'm falling into depression again mayb?
i dunno...
all i noe is tt i'm feeling unhappy...
forgotten...
[sigh]
wadeva...

Happy Chinese New Yr!!!!!!!!!!

now at jiejie hse...-haiz- so boring...nth much to do de...last time CNY was so much more fun...i miss those times...nvm...shall not get all grumbly during CNY...shall be happi n contented...haha...dis morning went to grandma there...den reached pam here slightly aft 2 ba...aft dis den nowhere to go le ba...haha...so sian leh actualli...oh wells...

hope tmr will be betta ba...haha...

so long nv update liao....
now den got e time to pop by here...
so many things happen...
nth bad tho...
happy and funny...
all sorts...
haha...
life has been good...
all has been gg well...
CNY is coming...
veri veri soon...
cant wait...
haha

back home rather earli these few days...
today aft skol went red man wif ah bu...
wanted to buy tray n chopsticks frm there for CNY...
on e way ah bu bought slurpie...
den reached red man den cannot bring drink in...
so we hadta rush thru her slurpie...
finally finished le den went in...
dun hv wat we want lor...
so irritating...
we rushed thru her slurpie for nth...
aniwae...den we went h.mall de NTUC find...
den got...
so we got the tray n chopsticks...
den i was contemplating whether to buy cookie cutter or not...
den she say upstairs still got shop...
so we went up...
on e way...
saw dis realie realie nice danim dress...
i juz lurv it man...
but so ex...$70...
aniwae...
we went 2 shops all dun hv...
den we went minitoons...
see e tape...
measured e width...
den went back down to NTUC to compare wif e cutter...
mian qiang can i think...
but in e end still decided to go PS one day to buy....
out of NTUC...
went to cake shop buy lunch...
cldn't decided whether to buy dis or tt or e other one...
haha...me fickle minded...
in e end me n ah bu bought ham pizza...
e moment i took a bite of it...
i gave ah bu a look...
gt so darn many onions inside can...
not veri nice de....


aft tt went home...